Four to Forty

This four is simple, fresh and seems to glow.

While these fours have seen better days.

After all that worry and rushing around to finish the Venom costume in time, Little Joe, in true four year old fashion, after wearing it proudly around the house the day before, refused to wear it on Halloween. "Too hot and the eye holes are too small. I can't see anything, it's all a big blur." So there you go.

Little Joe recently celebrated his fourth birthday which I, as usual, fretted and worried over trying to make everything just right. He requested that I make a cake that looked like a jellyfish. I had much fun with this once I convinced him that my choice of jellyfish would be an easier and far more attractive cake for me to make. Here was the result:

1. The jellyfish I liked best.
2. The jellyfish Little Joe liked best.
3. The "jellyfish" cake I made.

Fortunately this cake went over much better than the requested all blue cake he wanted for this third birthday - which could have been visually stunning had I put away my healthy ideals and made it with white sugar and white flour. I discovered that cane sugar and whole spelt flour mixed with blue food colouring make a greenish brown. It was not the most appetizing looking of cakes I'm afraid. Anyway, birthday number four went great, he loved it and everyone seemed to have a good time. Which is when I realized why my fortieth birthday sucked as much as it did. I wasn't selfish enough. Little Joe, being four, is gloriously selfish. Sure he's learning to share and empathize with others, but being gloriously selfish can actually be a good thing. Especially when it comes to enjoying one's birthday. He told everyone unabashedly what he wanted and he got it. And then he enjoyed it all wholeheartedly. While I stressed so much about what kind of cake everyone else would like that I ended up not having a birthday cake at all. What I should have done is chosen the cake I liked best, then if no one else liked it, savoured the whole damn thing myself.

There's also the four year old's talent of being in the moment. Yes he has some regrets about toys that no longer work or whines about events like Christmas, Easter and his birthday not coming soon enough. But for the most part he's right here, right now. And that also makes for a happier birthday, if not a more joyous life. While I sank so far into the depths of depression over my mounting age, my greying hai;, my expectations of where I should be in my life, I lost sight of where I was and the people whom I loved best celebrating the day I came into this world with me. Looks like I've got a lot to learn. And hopefully more birthdays ahead to practice on.

Books on the J,M,Z - 2

Kare Kano by Masami Tsuda

As a struggling author and avid reader, I'm crushed when I read articles that say publishing is dead. But then I see people of all races, ages, backgrounds engrossed in their books on the train and I can't believe it's true. But then again, this is New York. And this is why we chose to live here - people walk instead of living in their vehicles and people read and buy books. The selection of the J,M,Z readers over the past couple of weeks, is broad and varied. And actually interesting enough that I'm tempted to check out more than one.

To begin with, one of the manga series, Kare Kano by Masami Tsuda. On Anime News Network, for some strange reason they not only list the author's hometown (Kanagawa, Japan) but also his blood type (type B). Here's the plot summary:

Yukino Miyazawa is really, really vain, and loves to hear people praise her. She's always been the best at everything, and always tries to look perfect. But when Yukino goes to high school, she's finally upstaged--by Souichiro Arima, who scores better on the entrance exams and instantly snatches the attention of the class. By accident, Arima finds out that Yukino is just pretending, and this starts off a series of events that lead to Yukino and Arima falling in love. They then have to cope with a lot of obstacles in their relationship.

I love the 'really, really vain' part of the description. This book was being read by an overweight preteen Asian girl and she had what looked like the entire series in her canvas tote bag.

Metamorphosis and Other Stories by Franz Kafka - read by a very pretty pale girl in her early twenties, with blue black hair cut in a gamine Audrey Hepburn style and a nose ring. I think I read this book when I was about her age and trying desperately to improve my mind and appear intelligent while wearing a full face of make-up and a micro mini.

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston - read by an attractive woman in her late twenties who looked to be East Indian or Sri Lankan. I tried to read this book once but I couldn't get through it.

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy read by an older white woman who looked like she didn't belong on this train at all. Too middle American suburban. But then looks can be decieving. Read this. Love this writer. Must read more of her books.

The Tycoon - I couldn't see who the author was, but when I did a google search all I came up with were cheesy titles like, Mistress to the Tycoon, The Diva and the Tycoon, The Temp and the Tycoon...you get the idea. But judging by the person reading the book - a straight looking white beefy white dude, I'm sure it wasn't any of those, because even if this guy liked those kinds of books, I don't think he'd be caught dead reading them in public.

Angels - Again, couldn't see the author, and once again a google search only returned the kind of books one might expect to see with angels in the titles - the kind of book with a pastel pink and blue cover, and slightly fuzzy as if there was vaseline smeared over the lens. And again the reader was a straight looking white guy with thinning strawberry blond hair, soft and pudgy, kind of a Philip Seymour Hoffman type. So not likely any of the books I found for the same reasons as the one before.

Deadly Reigns - Teri Woods Not my kind of book at all read by a Latina office worker in her twenties. But upon researching it I found the author's bio rather interesting:

While working as a legal secretary for a law firm and juggling motherhood in Philadelphia, PA, Teri Woods completed her first novel, True to the Game. Teri Woods submitted her story over a period of six years to more than 20 different publishers, all of whom rejected her. When major publishing houses refused to embrace True to the Game she wasn’t discouraged. In 1998 instead of giving up, Teri Woods printed, bound, self-published and began selling hand to hand her first book True to the Game.

On December 18, 1999 with the support and encouragement of friends, Teri Woods recognized the selling power of her story. She credits her overwhelming success to being a ‘hustler’. Teri Woods often slept in her car and on the couches of acquaintances, as she spent countless hours selling her books on the streets of New York. Moving thousands of books primarily from the trunk of her car she was determined to have her story read. Her grassroots tactic paid off; Teri Woods became a self-made millionaire in just three years selling her novel, True to the Game. She landed a major motion picture deal for the book as well. With the release of True to the Game, Teri Woods has reinvigorated the urban fiction market and created a growing trend in publishing....

Teri Woods’ passion for urban realities caught the attention of Karen Thomas, editor at Warner Books, who facilitated a multi-million dollar book deal and signed Woods to Hatchette Book Group, a division of Warner Books.

Blood of My Brother by Zoe and Yusuf T. Woods - Again, not my kind of book, but Yusuf's urban background is intriguing.

Miracles Happen: The Life and Timeless Principles of the Founder of Mary Kay Inc. by Mary Kay Ash - This woman's photo is kind of scary. She looks like a Texan. And of course she founded a cosmetics empire. Don't think I need to read that one.

anything by James Patterson - saw three different people reading his books. His name is so prominent on the book cover that the titles seemed unimportant. You've got to wonder about these 'best selling authors' who garner big subway ads. They're so famous they don't need the advertising. Although I've never read any of his books and have no intention of doing so.

The Bible - about as popular as James Patterson. Read it. Don't feel the need to read it again.

Guitar Cultures by Andy Bennett and Kevin Dawe - read by a skinny hipster who was so absorbed in this book he practically fell into it. Although, I think if you're not a guitarist it probably wouldn't be essential reading.

Today's and Last Week's Local News: DIY Venom

Unlike certain other neighbourhoods, Bed-Stuy is not big on Halloween decorations. The best we could find on our weekly walk around the hood, was this above average but not particularly outstanding concoction above. I'd promised Little Joe that Miss Heather was going to give us the grand tour of the haunted houses of Greenpoint and so after several blocks of nothing except a plastic jack o lantern or two, he demanded, nearly at the point of tears, "But where's the Haunted House?" Knowing this was about to turn into a major fit and still having several blocks to cover, I looked around for something to distract him. And to my relief found a sign indicating an open house for a property that was recently reduced in price. "We're here!" I exclaimed. "That's the haunted house."

Sure it didn't look too scary from the outside.

But Lady Luck was smiling on me and the interior definitely had haunted house potential. We even got to go into the basement with flashlights. Little Joe was thrilled. But then there's the other aspects of Halloween. Like pumpkin carving. Little Joe's been bugging me for months, literally, I think it started pre-summer, to buy him a big pumpkin to turn into a Jack o Lantern. So October rolls around and the only pumpkins I can find are in Manhattan and I absolutely refused to carry a big pumpkin, Little Joe, our bags and the stroller on the subway home. "Don't worry," said Big Joe, "Food Dimensions will have them." But they didn't. Although, happily Mr. Kiwi's started stocking them about mid-month so we bought one and took it home.

Meanwhile, at Food Dimensions, narry a normal pumpkin to be found. Just these ridiculous things. Painting pumpkins is one thing, but buying one at the supermarket already painted? Who does that? And who painted these faces? The one with the sunglasses cracks me up because it makes me think of warmer climes. In short, it has nothing whatsoever to do with Halloween. Not to mention this is yet another sign of the decline of the once lauded Food Dimensions. They've raised their prices, the check out lines at any time of the day, any day of the week, are long and slow, and the employees are noticeably more disgruntled. So sad.

Big Joe happily made a badass pumpkin to Little Joe's specifications with three eyes, two noses, and one enormous mouth. However in our very warm house, it soon began to rot. And only two days later had disintegrated into an even more frightful mold infested caved-in putrid mess. So now, the problem of the costume. After choosing and discarding his initial ideas of being a pumpkin or a bat, Little Joe decided he wanted to be Venom, one of the villains from Spider-man.

Only he didn't want one of these lame versions of Venom, which look entirely too friendly. And who could blame him? I can't stand store bought costumes, which go against everything I believe in.

Instead he wanted something more like this. So after brain storming with Big Joe and a long and futile search for a child's plain black hoodie all over Manhattan in order to create my own Venom version, I went through Big Joe's rag bag, hit one fabric store and after many hours of sewing late into the night, I came up with this.

Only problem is, I had to alter it this evening, while Little Joe wept that I was destroying his costume, (no ALTER, NOT DESTROY) and I'm afraid that in the process, I cut too much fabric off and have made it too small. Yes, you may have been right, Little Joe, destroy. Sigh. We'll find out in the morning. Hopefully I won't lose too much sleep over this. Last night I kept waking up worrying about how to design the mouth (Big Joe thankfully did a stencil which saved me sewing the teeth by hand.) Oh please please please Mighty Great Pumpkin, make it fit, I don't want to have to start all over again from scratch...

Brooklyn weather: blustery, drizzly and cold.

Neighbour in Need of Free Space

I received this email a couple of days ago:

Hi,

I'm a Ft. Greene resident and loyal Banana reader and thought you might be able to help me with my latest problem. Here is a little background:

I run a small scholarship fund which raises money for a young lady I know who is an extremely promising student but can't get financial aid for college because of her immigration status. She attends BMCC, which is out of reach financially for her family, so my friends and I have been sponsoring her tuition for the last 2 years. This semester, I'm planning an auction (all products/ service will be donated by my friends who are artists, photographers, massage therapists, etc) to raise money for the fund. I am flexible on the date but am tentatively aiming for some time in the weekend of November 21.

I need a space for about 50-75 people for the auction and a low-key party. Since it's to raise money, I don't want to have to pay much (or at all) for it, so I'm looking for a generous soul who might be able to help out. Do you or your readers happen to know any such souls, or spaces that might be available? I've been making the rounds of churches, etc. around town but have been striking out.

Please let me know if you have any leads.

Sounds like a good cause. If anyone knows of anything, please email her at jessica.broome [at] gmail.com.

Don't Through Glass

Don't through glass

First of all I have to apologise for a couple of recent pictures that are decidedly blurry. As I mentioned before, my camera is dead and will cost a small fortune to fix so I've been using Big Joe's camera until I can get a new one, which according to our finances, won't be anytime soon. Also I haven't quite figured out how to work the thing, not to mention that as far as digital cameras go it's on its way to becoming 'vintage.' But never fear, I will re-photograph some of the blurrier pix and repost them. One day. Soon as I have time. Next year perhaps?

Anyway, yesterday I went to my first recovery meeting (this is what Little Joe's attending preschool full-time has freed me up for) and I went in feeling rather depressed. But after listening to everyone speak, I realized that no matter how bad you think you've got it there are many others, whom, though they may look like they have it together, are in serious pain. It made my problems seem rather trivial. Which they are.

I mean hey, look at this photo, these people are having such a problem with a glass throwing neighbour they had to erect this brick wall to protect their stoop.

In many ways, my life couldn't be better. Sure we are not able to shop shop shop, consume consume consume in a random and carefree fashion and yes we are somewhat restricted as far as the luxury of having a babysitter (except for our wonderful friend R. who's like an uncle to Little Joe - and offers what little free time he has to allow Big Joe and I to have the occasional date). Nor do we have any idea where the next paycheck is going to come from in January. But at the moment, we have each other, our respective families and friends, our health, a roof over our heads, good food to eat, warm, albeit faded and patched, clothing to wear, we're doing what we want to do with our art and we live in the city of our dreams. That's far more than most people have. So I am feeling deep gratitude at the moment. And today is wet, dreary and cold. Perfect weather to stay inside and work. What more could we ask for?

Urban Gravestones - 17

IN MEMORY OF MY MOTHER 04-17-08 LOVING YOU FOREVER

RIP PUFF
Location: Saratoga and Jefferson

Not a Cat Lover

-PEOPLE ARE GETTING SICK -
?WHY DON'T YOU GIVE FOOD TO THE POOR INSTEAD OF FEEDING THESE NASTY CATS WHO SHIT AND PISS AND SPREAD FLEES - TAKE THEM HOME!

Bike Kill 2008

The pita bread and giant styrofoam skull throwing event.

Style icons.

Fancy vests.

Pink bears in wheelchairs.

And of course, the bikes.

Dickhead race.

A bumpy ride.

Big Joe and Little Joe enter into the fray.

There's Easter, birthdays, Halloween, Christmas and an event some look forward to more than any of those: Black Label's 6th Annual Bike Kill (666), right here in Bed-Stuy. Chock full of dirty white people, and a few dirty black, Asian and Latinos too. We got there a little on the late side, so I think we may have missed the main events, but we did manage to get hit by some wet pita bread, sprayed with fire extinguisher chemicals, and enjoy some free soup courtesy of Lauren from the Bed-Stuy CSA. Despite the gale force winds and misty rains, there was the usual large turn out of freaks, geeks, kids, punks, drunks, and bicycle fanatics. The wide selection of wheel chairs were mostly unused, which means either people hadn't drank enough beer or they'd been incredibly lucky. When we attended Bike Kill five years ago at least one woman was taken away in an ambulance after a particularly enthusiastic bicycle jousting match. When we left, shortly before nightfall, Bike Kill was still in full swing.

The Writing on the Wall - 2

Sentencing.

Submission and Defeat.

Small Mercies.

Car Culture - 5 - Art Vehicles

So it turns out this "Peace and Duct Tape" van belongs to the artist duo responsible for the baby pole and monthly gathering of bloodthirsty toys. I'd originally wondered if the creators of that installation were hipsters or hippies. Well they're definitely not hipsters although hipsters appreciate their work. The two white men, both of whom appear to be over the age of forty, have lived in Bed-Stuy for over nine months. The owner of the adjacent business asked them to remove their bloody toy installation which was in the lot that joins their two properties as he felt it was affecting his business (not in good way.) Apparently this artist team does regular covert art installations around the city in addition to legit gallery openings in Chelsea. The older half of this duo didn't have a business card, nor, I believe a website, even though I was under the impression that he was the the driving force of their joint artmaking. While the younger gentleman is Janusz Gilewicz, whose two websites can be viewed here and here. According to his bio he is classically trained and his celebrity clients include Pope John Paul II, the model Kirsty Hume and Iggy Pop. Why he is living in a run down house on the edge of Bed-Stuy remains to be seen.

The owners of this art truck are still unknown.

New and Notable Graffiti

This unusual piece is my current favourite. Partly because I'm currently studying U.S. civics, history and geography for my upcoming Citizenship test.

I've seen so many of Egg Yolk's tags in our hood that I'm beginning to feel like he lives next door. Did he paint this piece or just afix his signature?

Peeping Tom Alert

I know this is a serious problem, and it's great that their block association is alerting the neighbourhood and taking care of it. But I'm wondering, what exactly is a "hygienic" block association as opposed to a run-of-the-mill block association? And is the 'black male' description at all helpful in a primarily black neighbourhood? Interestingly, here's the origin of the phrase 'peeping tom' from The Phrase Finder:

The name comes from the legend of Lady Godiva's naked ride through the streets of Coventry, in order to persuade her husband to alleviate the harsh taxes on the town's poor. The story goes that the townsfolk agreed not to observe Godiva as she passed by, but that Peeping Tom broke that trust and spied on her.

Urban Gravestones - 16 - Ol' Dirty Bastard

Before.

After.

Ol' Dirty Bastard aka Russell Tyrone Jones
(Born: November 15, 1968–Died: November 13, 2004)
Artist: Victor Goldfeld
Location: Putnam and Franklin

Many, including non-Bed-Stuyers, are familiar with this mural of the controversial rapper which was defaced in December of 2007. This is clearly an unusual memorial mural in that there are no born and died dates and the depiction of his welfare card (the mock one used for his first album cover?) is provocative rather than recounting the usual warm remembrances. MTV News covers a litany of convictions in his life and gives the preliminary autopsy report:

Ol' Dirty Bastard, a founding member of the Wu-Tang Clan and one of the most eccentric personalities in hip-hop, died of unknown causes on Saturday in New York. He would have turned 36 on Monday.

The rapper.... was having difficulty breathing and complained of chest pains earlier in the day, according to his spokesperson.

Dirty was at Wu-Tang's studio, 36 Records LLC on West 34th Street, when he collapsed in the lounge at approximately 4:35 p.m. on Saturday. EMS workers rushed to the scene but were unable to resuscitate him and he was pronounced dead at 5:04 p.m., according to a spokesperson for the city medical examiner's office....

Cherry Jones, ODB's mother, was informed shortly after his death and called the phone call "every mother's worst dream." "My son, Russell Jones, passed away," she said in a statement. "To the public, he was known as Ol' Dirty Bastard, but to me, he was known as Rusty, the kindest, most generous soul on earth. I appreciate all the support and prayers that I have received. Russell was more than a rapper, he was a loving father, brother, uncle, and most of all, son."

This report was updated a month later:

According to a spokesperson for the New York Medical Examiner's Office, Ol' Dirty Bastard, born Russell Jones, was found to have died from a fatal mixture of cocaine and the prescription drug Tramadol, a synthetic opiate that is usually prescribed to treat severe pain. His death is being ruled an accident.

Born and raised in Fort Greene, Brooklyn, Ol' Dirty Bastard (he called himself ODB because "There ain't no father to his style") founded the Wu-Tang Clan with his two cousins, Robert Diggs and Gary Grice (renamed RZA and GZA) in 1992. Bed-Stuy becomes a background to his rough past. From Hip Hop Galaxy: "In 1994, he was shot in the stomach by another rapper in the Bedford-Stuyvesant section of Brooklyn following a street argument," and the NY Daily News reports that in July 1998, he was shot and robbed in a Bedford-Stuyvesant apartment. ODB's father, William Jones, refutes his son's colorful biography in an interview with the Daily Press of Newport News:

“You know, that story about him being raised in the Fort Greene [Brooklyn] projects on welfare until he was a child of 13 was a total lie,” said Jones in the story published on Monday....

“I was furious. I tried to get in touch with the guy who wrote the story, but all I got was a tape for two weeks. So finally I called my wife.

“She said, ‘Look, I know you’re upset.’ She said, “Your son did that for publicity.’

“I said, ‘Wow, As hard as we worked.’”

Yeah. Daddy Jones returned to his native Virginia and is retired from the New York City Transit Authority. His ex-wife, Cherry Jones, was a police department dispatcher. Jones said their son grew up in a reasonably stable two-parent, two-income home in Brooklyn.

Much has been written about his arrests, drug use, time in prison, and his supposed 13 children. Less well known are ODB's good deeds such as his rescue of a four-year old girl in Bed-Stuy. From the NY Daily News:

Rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard is going to ruin his bad-boy image.

The Wu-Tang Clan member rushed to the aid of a 4-year-old Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, girl Saturday after she was run over by a car.

The rap star aka Russell Jones was one of a dozen men on Fulton St. who lifted a 1996 Mustang off little Maati Lovell.

Jones then went to visit the girl in the hospital, shocking the victim's parents, who had no idea one of the biggest names in rap had helped save their daughter.

While a love letter to the man and his music can be found on Salon.com. ODB mentions Bed-Stuy in his song Shimmy Shimmy Ya:

His name came up again in the news four years after his death over the battle for his estate, from the NY Post:

March 25, 2008 -- THE battle over Ol' Dirty Bastard's fortune continues. His family will head back to Brooklyn Surrogate Court on April 1, where the rapper's mom, Cherry Jones, will challenge the role of her late son's widow, Icelene Jones, as administrator of his estate. "Cherry claims Ice lene is misusing the funds," said a source. "It's become mom vs. daughter-in-law and it's up to the judge to decide."

Victor Goldfeld, the artist of this mural was commissioned by Raison G. Allah, ODB's brother, for a documentary by Zu Films:

In an interview with Razor Apple, Goldfeld talks about how the mural came about:

I was specifically commissioned to paint the welfare card. I couldn’t think of a better graphic representation of such a unique hip hop persona and legend. When you look at that, that’s ODB, and that’s Brooklyn.

Were there challenges to memorializing such a famous figure for people so close to him?

After the initial shock and the “Oh my god, I better not F&^% this up because that’s his family,” there were other challenges. I wanted to make it special because it was a very intimate setting. There were people walking up to me and my assistant constantly. Everyone knew him. Putnam and Franklin is a special place. I got to know far more about ODB than I could ever imagine. Emotionally, it was a dream come true. I must say all of the people of the neighborhood and ODB’s relatives and friends really loved him and are very friendly people. Technically, those bricks killed me, especially the signature. The bricks mess your brush stroke up. You can’t just paint a straight line because the paint collects between the bricks and runs.

*update 2/26/09, an anonymous artist has repainted the ODB mural, more here.

Not For Sale

Think this house has a lot of potential? A good fixer upper? Think you could buy it for a song and sell it way above market price? Think again.

This House Not For Sale

First Banana Birthday

Photo: Hollywood DJs

I made it. One year today. Thanks to all for reading and especially for the continued love and support. Extra special thanks to Miss Heather, Bob Guskind (welcome back!) and most importantly Big Joe, without whom this blog would not exist. Banana splits for everyone!!!

Cleanliness and Filth

Cleanliness is Godliness

Just a Drop in the Basket Helps Keep New York Clean

Please Keep Your Block Clean, Filth is Lack of Pride

Big Bad Sarah

Who's the scariest of them all?

Last night Little Joe and I were eating dinner and he says, "Sarah is bad." Now there is a little red-haired girl in his class who simply adores him, and her name happens to be Sarah. But he's fickle as far as Sarah goes, some days he likes her and some days he doesn't.

"Why do you say that she's bad?" I ask carefully.
"I don't know, you said so."
"I did? But I don't think Sarah's bad. I think she's really sweet, she's your friend."
"Not that Sarah. The big Sarah. There's two Sarahs."
"Who's the big Sarah?" I ask, still not getting it.
"That lady, the one you always talk about. Sarah Palin."
I didn't even know he knew about Sarah Palin. So at first I just laugh. "You're right. The big Sarah is bad."
"Is she bad like Voldemort?"
"Yeah, kind of," I say without too much thought.
"Is she bad like Darth Vader?"
"Umm, hm."
"Does she kill people?" he asks looking concerned.
"No, but she kills moose."
"Does she kill hunters?"
"No, she is a hunter. Like the hunter that killed Bambi." (At this point Big Joe who's talking to his brother on the phone, interjects on his brother's behalf, "Bambi wasn't killed by hunters.")
"Oh. That's right. Bambi's mother. She kills animals like the hunters who killed Bambi's mom."

I don't realize just how deep this conversation has entered my son's psyche until he wakes up crying in the middle of the night. "Does Sarah Palin kill hippos? Because I like hippos."
At this point I deeply regret our earlier conversation since it led to this terrible nightmare. Sarah Palin is much much scarier than both Voldemort and Darth Vader combined. After all, they're fictional. She's not.

Bed-Stuy Architectural Digest - 7 - Jolie-Laide

From the Merriam Webster dictionary:

Main Entry:

jo·lie laide

Pronunciation:

\zhȯ-lē-led\

Function:

foreign term

Etymology:

French

: good-looking ugly woman : woman who is attractive though not conventionally pretty

The comedienne, Sandra Bernhard, is commonly referred to as such. But certain inanimate objects beg to have this term applied to them as well. So let us begin...

This house is delightfully ugly. So much so it's in a class all its own. I like the burgundy van matching the burgundy door. And there's even a random sneaker hanging from the lamp to the right of the door.

How wonderfully this graffiti laiden door contrasts with the white one above. And the word 'FLOAT' written on the wall actually does so in between the two.

This parody of a grand gate and mansion makes me laugh, so that's got to be good.

Who would have thought an empty lot could be so inviting? A veritable oasis to relax and read a good book, if one could just get past those sharp pronged double gates.

Books on the J,M,Z

Now that Little Joe's going to preschool in Manhattan, I get to ride the train by myself and actually, finally, have time to read in peace. Which is pure heaven. Being a bookworm, I devour books and sometimes find myself with nothing to read. This is a huge let down as I end up having to read whatever we may have lying around in the bathroom. For this reason I just finished the latest Vice Magazine from cover to cover, including the banal record reviews, although there were some surprisingly well-written articles in between the crude ones. When at loss for a good book I look to see what other people are reading.

Here's a taste of what J,M,Z commuters were reading lately:

No Lifeguard on Duty by Janice Dickinson (read by: black lady wearing leopard and white patent boots)

Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote (very dog eared vintage paperback read by: skinny white boy with glasses and bad skin)

Only Fools Gamble Twice by Natosha Gale Lewis (read by: black lady coming home from the office)

The Trophy Wife (couldn't see the author's name, however, Diana Diamond and Ashley JaQuavis have both written books with this title) (read by: another black lady coming home from the office)

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis (read by: white boy dressed as an American Psycho wannabe in a dark blazer and reflective aviator sunglasses, but not quite pulling it off)

Heat and Mass Transfer: A Practical Approach by Yunus A. Cengel (read by: scruffy Eastern European looking white guy in work boots)

Low Life by Luc Sante (read by: white hipster girl)

The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid: A Memoir by Bill Bryson (read by: another white hipster girl)

Perhaps it was the woman's flashy boots, but the one out of this list that appeals to me most is one of the trashiest. Especially after Big Joe turned me on to America's Next Top Model. Maybe it will explain why Ms.Dickinson is such a beeatch.

Yo Bama

I received an email about this fun looking fundraiser this afternoon put on by Lab 24/7 whose copy reads:

Lab 24/7 is an NYC-based community of idea people, collaborating (online and at The Lab) to bring mad ideas to life. Lab experiments can come in all shapes and sizes ... art, food, writing, music, hacking, video gaming, gardening, business, nuclear fusion, whatever... Point is - if you have an idea for an event, project, business or experiment, start or join a group and bring to to life.

The Lab is not only online, but has an underground hideout in the cellar of an old BedStuy brownstone where members can work on projects, have events, or just fire up the synapses.

They could use some art donations for their auction too:

Barack's almost there and we can't help but start celebrating early...and do some 11th hour fund raising.

Show your support with a small donation ($15 minimum) and we'll deliver three live performances by Tiga Jean-Baptiste, Soul Folk Experience and K-Reed. Plus music selections by DJs Benny Beats, Longfellow and Baba.

Pearl Lee Q's will be dishing up "Obama On a Plate" including fresh Chicago-style franks (veggie too) and Hawaiin Punch Sangria.

And the Smirnoff will be flowing all night at the open bar.
-----------------------------------------------------
DONATE YOUR ART!!
CONTACT: info@lab247.net

Veggie hot dogs, a Palin voodoo doll, music, t-shirts from Brooklyn Royalty, sounds like an event that's not to be missed, especially with the election just around the corner...

Herbert von King - Bed-Stuy's 'Central Park'

This 7.82 acre park is bordered by Greene, Marcy, Lafayette, and Tompkins Avenues.

The park comes alive in the summer months as a prime barbeque spot, with baseball and handball games, possibly the only dog run in our hood, and children playing and men working out on the two jungle gyms.

Not to mention the Cultural Arts Center which boasts a dance studio, performance stage and art room. Past performers have included Arrested Development. Here's an interview and part of their free concert from last year:

The plaque below this artwork from Leap's Public Art Program reads:
THE HARDEST THING ABOUT GETTING TO THE TOP
by Students of Urban Asembly for the Urban Environment
Students address the issues of violence and drugs as obstacles in their path to achieving their goals.

12 Points of the Boy Scout Law: Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent.

The artist William Merritt Chase, once lived nearby on Marcy Avenue and painted landscapes of the park in the late 1800's.

From NYC Dept of Parks and Rec.:

This park, formerly known as Tompkins Park, is named for Herbert Von King (1912-1985). King was called the "Mayor of Bedford-Stuyvesant," and was an active community leader for over 50 years.... He founded Boy Scout Troop 219 in 1933, and later received scouting’s highest honor, the Vigil award. Von King, a private building contractor by profession, served as a member of the local school board, Police Civilian Committee, and Magnolia Earth Tree Center....

Acquired in 1857, this park was one of the first established by the City of Brooklyn. It was originally named for Daniel D. Tompkins, an abolitionist who served four terms as governor of New York (1807-17) and two terms as vice president of the United States under James Monroe (1817-25). It was not until 1871, however, that the plan for the park was submitted by Calvert Vaux and Frederick Law Olmsted, the designers of Prospect and Central Parks. Like most small parks of the time, Tompkins Park was planned as a public square used for ceremonies and military reviews. The designers provided for little more than border plantings of flower and shrubs, claiming that trees and winding walks would result in the park being used, "for clandestine purposes by people of bad character." Historical additions to Von King Park reflect changing uses of the site. Space was cleared in 1915 to accommodate the large crowds who turned out for concerts performed by regimental bands. A playground was built in 1927, and a public library, that dates to 1915, was housed in the shelter building until it burned down in 1969. The group now known as Tompkins Park Recreation and Cultural Association formed in the same year and mobilized to improve park facilities. Their efforts led to the 1973 opening of a new recreation center which houses the Eubie Blake Auditorium, a senior citizen and teen center, and an amphitheater.

The park was renamed for Von King in 1985 under a local law introduced by Councilmember Mary Pinkett and signed by Mayor Edward I. Koch.

An excellent article in the NY Times from 1999 which chronicles 24 hours in this park, mentions a tree "from which several young boys were hanged in the gang wars of the 1950's." But then how times changed and it became a social hub for the neighbourhood:

It is the history, in many ways, of a certain kind of summer in New York City, the summers lived out by children for whom a fancy day camp is a pipe dream, summers lived out by fathers and grandmothers for whom vacation is an absolutely local experience. Across the city, there are parks and playgrounds, schoolyards and street corners that have always served as improvised summer retreats, unglamorous, but rich and fully used.....

Still, almost everyone, including police officers at the 79th Precinct at the southeast corner of the park, agrees that Von King Park has come a long way during the last decade on the question of safety. There were years, Officer Jeannette Morales said, when almost all the pursuits of criminal suspects either started, ran through or wound up in the park.

''I don't think we even track the number of incidents in the park these days, the number is so low,'' said Officer Morales, who has been the precinct's community affairs officer for six years. ''Cops even play handball in there.''

In 2003, Newsday rated it at a "B-" compared to other Brooklyn parks. While AM New York says the priciest properties in Bedford Stuyvesant are along its southern edge.

Overheard in Bed-Stuy

Coming soon to a bodega near you...

Black man sitting on chair in front of house: "You movin'?"
Black man on street: "Yeah. They want $2700 for my place."
Black man sitting on chairin front of house: Whoo-ee.
Black man on street: Yeah well, white people will pay the money.

A black mom at my son's school told me she and her son used to live in Bed-Stuy but she had to move because they couldn't afford the jacked up rents. Now they live with her mom in Manhattan. She's looking to buy and was pre-approved for a mortagage for $385, 000. She'd love to move back to Bed-Stuy but she can't afford it. Realtors are telling her to look in the Bronx.

Bed-Stuy Architectural Digest - 6 - Details

Check out these homemade details under the old window archways.

Is that Benjamin Franklin adorning this window top?

I adore this cobblestone pathway leading to the basement door.

This old 'mudroom' has classic shingles.

Birds decorate this beautiful custom gateway.

The Writing on the Wall

What is this a countdown to?

Perhaps an alien invasion...

Signifying the end of the world as we know it.

Big Joe says this is a blimp, but I think it's a spaceship in disguise.

At least I wouldn't have to worry about the outcome of the election anymore.

The Struggle for Our Schools

When we passed by this building we were immediately struck by the beauty of its architecture.

And being Harry Potter geeks, we particularly liked the owls adorning the top of the building.

And then we saw the entrance. Wow. Note the engraved script above the doorway.

I love the expression on the face of this relief.

When I researched the address, I discovered that noted architect, C.B.J.Snyder had designed it. I don't know what year, but he retired in 1923. According to Wikipedia:

Snyder saw school buildings as civic monuments for a better society. He was concerned with health and safety issues in public schools and focused on fire protection, ventilation, lighting, and classroom size. Snyder used terra cotta blocks in floor construction to improve fireproofing, and large and numerous windows to allow more light and air into the classrooms.^[4] He also developed new methods for mechanical air circulation in school buildings.^[5] The problem of school design in New York was compounded by the relatively constricted sites which were necessitated by the high cost of land acquisition....

Snyder worked in several styles, including Beaux Arts, English Collegiate Gothic, Jacobean, and Dutch Colonial. He preferred mid-block locations away from busy and polluted avenues. One of his signature motifs was to design spaces for learning that would offer a respite from noisy streets and poverty.^[10]

This last line, about his wanting to design a space that offers a "respite" from "poverty," is intriguing, because when I researched Public School 157 itself I found this from Inside Schools:

P.S. 157 - Benjamin Franklin School

For many years, the state considered PS 157 a failing school because of its low test scores. Student achievement began to improve when the school implemented a scripted curriculum for reading called Reading First. In 2006, the school came off the state's list of schools needing improvement.

Unfortunately, this progress is both a source of pride and concern for administrators because the school is no longer eligible for special funds given to failing schools. Principal Maribel Torres said the school will have to cut back on the tutoring that she credits with some of the school's improvement. "I doubt very much that I'll be able to service the entire school," said Torres....

PS 157, which shares a building with Achievement First (Endeavor) Charter School, saw declining enrollment in recent years as the neighborhood became home to increasing numbers of Orthodox Jews, who tend to send their children to private religious schools. When Torres became principal in 2006, the school had many unused rooms and bare walls.

It seems that the charter school housed on on the fifth floor is the bright light of the building, however it will be moving next year to a "converted ice cream factory" in Clinton Hill. More on this charter (middle) school from Inside Schools:

Achievement First Endeavor Charter School

At Achievement First Endeavor, the walls are plastered with banners proclaiming "no excuses," students are called "scholars," and children learn more than 75 cheers to keep them pumped about what they're learning. But these things are "not just rhetoric," according to Lesley Esters Redwine, Achievement First's director of external relations. Instead, they reflect the school's core mission of preparing students for success in high school and college, she said....

When Achievement First schools first appeared opened in New York several years ago, they generated a reputation for being rigid and without fun. Since then, the tone of the schools has softened, although the firm discipline remains. Some parents choose the school because of it, says Principal Eric Redwine (Lesley Esters Redwine's husband), but that's not the best reason to pick the school. "We're disciplined because we're college preparatory," he said. "We're not running a boot camp here."

And and interesting story on how the Achievement First schools first began in Connecticut from their website:

In 1998, a group of Yale Law School students started studying urban education issues in depth. This group soon confronted some very daunting statistics regarding the differences between Connecticut's suburban and urban students. According to Connecticut Voices for Children, students from the state's wealthiest suburban towns were two times more likely to enter kindergarten with a formal preschool experience, six times more likely to meet the state goal on the reading, writing, and math Connecticut Mastery Tests (CMTs), eight times more likely to meet the state goal on all three 8th-grade CMTs, and 21 times more likely not to drop out of high school. Frighteningly, the highly-publicized "achievement gap" became more profound the longer the students were in school.

This group of law students, led by Stefan Pryor and Dacia Toll, began to explore how it could help close the achievement gap. Confronted with a dearth of truly exceptional urban schools and a persistent attitude that urban students are "impossible" to teach, they decided the most powerful way to address the problem was to open a public charter school.

As plans for Amistad developed, the group was influenced by Bob Moses, a central figure in the civil rights movement of the 1960s who now runs an educational non-profit. Moses explained that algebra and a rigorous English program in the 8th grade set the path for AP Calculus and AP English in the 12th grade: these courses then throw open the gates to America's best colleges. "The absence of math literacy in urban and rural communities throughout this country is an issue as urgent as the lack of registered Black voters in Mississippi was in 1961," Moses said. Inspired by Moses's ideas, Amistad's founders realized that closing the achievement gap is the civil rights issue of our time. They set out to create a school that would prove that urban students could achieve at extraordinarily high levels....

More than a few gave thinly-veiled racist arguments. Urban students (almost exclusively poor African-American and Latino) just can't learn, they lamented. There's no way, given the "family situations" of New Haven students, that their CMT scores can match those of the suburbs. Some even cited research namely, the infamous Coleman report of the 1960s that found that socioeconomic status is the key determiner of student success....

The results are, in a word, amazing. With only 75 percent of the per-pupil funding given to New Haven Public Schools, Amistad students 100% of whom are selected by blind lottery, 98 percent of whom are African-American or Latino, and whose free/reduced lunch numbers have ranged over time between 71 and 89 percent continually outpace students in districts such as Westport, Madison, and Greenwich on the writing portion of the 8th grade CMT and beat the statewide CMT average in reading, writing, and math.

For more information on Achievement First Endeavor in Bed-Stuy:

850 Kent Avenue (between Myrtle and Park)
Brooklyn, NY, 11205
Voice: 718-622-4786
Fax: 718-789-1649
briannasadler@achievementfirst.org

Bed-Stuy's public schools weigh heavily on my mind, every morning that I take Little Joe on the subway to the charter school he attends in Manhattan. I really did want to send him to the school we were zoned for, but after discovering it was on the list of failing schools, its student population were mostly from shelters and the projects, finding out that it had more sex offenders living on "its doorstep" than any other school in New York, and then when they denied me a school tour, I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to be a one woman crusade to save this school using my son as a guinea pig. No one else on our block (long time residents) sends their kids to that school except for the couple next door who have foster children. And yet still I feel Guilty. The Evil Gentrifier.

On an up note, I love love love Little Joe's new school and feel so very lucky that we got in. His teacher called me everyday for the first two weeks to let me know he was okay (when he and I were both parting in tears.) She's absolutely amazing. So as screwed up as the system is, at least there are charter schools. Hurray for charter schools!!! Now back to our local public school problem...sigh.

Super Obama

My favourite Obama propaganda thus far. From Ludlow Street, NYC. According to Artnet this appeared in conjunction with an art opening of British graffiti artists in September.

So I'm studying for both the 'Current' and the 'New (revised)' citizenship tests (in case the INS officer tells me which test I have to do instead of me getting to choose.) Paranoia? Perhaps, but when I was in the waiting room at the INS building for my greencard interview, my lawyer pointed out one thuggish looking INS officer and said, "You don't want him, he's an ex-marine, he denies everybody." So I want to be prepared. Anyway, both tests feature the following questions in different wording:

1. Who is the President of the United States today?
2. Who becomes President if the President dies?

Every time I read those questions, I feel a cold shiver of fear down my spine because I'll be answering those questions three days after election day, less than a month away. Sure Palin has a nice body and is a 'strong woman,' as the female pro-Palin voters I hear on NPR keep saying. But do Republicans really think she can run the country if 72 year old McCain keels over from a heart attack? Come on. Let's stop thinking with our genitalia and get real.

The Devil You Know

The Tasmanian Devil, or 'Taz' for short, is a popular figure in these parts. Most likely for his tough reputation, like the ubiquitous Bed-Stuy pitbull. The Looney Tunes website describes Taz as:

A strong murderous beast, jaws as powerful as a steel trap, has ravenous appetite, eats tigers, lions, elephants, buffaloes, donkeys, giraffes, octopuses, rhinoceroses, and moose." However, this definition is only partially accurate. He also eats chickens, ducks, and especially rabbits.

Whirring around like a tornado, slicing through trees like a rotary saw, and feasting on an entire ecosystem of jungle creatures, Taz has but one thing on his mind: Eating. The carnivorous native of Tasmania has the power to devour everything and anything in a single gulp. When this furry, salivating beast comes a-runnin', giraffes scurry for their lives, alligators turn themselves into luggage to hide, and sharks literally leap out of the water.

Although this person expresses their Tasmanian Devil love a little more discreetly.

Perhaps, as their dashboard reveals, they have a softer more angelic side.

Freegan Dining at Grub

It's Sunday night, you're low on cash, low on company and your belly's growling.

Well, you're in luck. On the edge of Bed-Stuy, at the corner of Classon and Flushing you'll find community and dinner for whatever you can afford.

In Our Hearts anarchist network and Jeff Stark of Nonsense NYC host Grub, the twice a month Sunday night community dinners at Rubulad. From Indymedia:

What: A healthy dinner for strangers and co-conspirators, in a relaxed environment. There is no charge (but donations are requested.)

When: (The first and third) Sundays (of each month)... 7pm dinner (doors open at 6:30pm)

Where: Rubulad, 338 Flushing, at Classon, Brooklyn, G train to Flushing or Classon stations, B61 bus to Flushing

Who: We are a small group of people who individually and collectively have worked on a lot of projects like the Really Really Free Markets, the Brooklyn Free Store, The NYC Free Events Calendar and dozens of DIY shows and events. We work with several collectives and art groups, like The Toyshop Collective, Time's Up! and Visual Resistance. At Grub we're just offering dinner. Whether you are active in other groups, your neighborhood, your backyard garden, or just new to town, we invite you to our table. To get a little squishy, we are looking for practical ways to build community. We are particularly inspired by the regular dinners served at squats in Amsterdam in Berlin, where you can get a cheap, tasty meal and catch up with friends in a cozy room. We like parties as much as anyone, but we think there should be places to talk without a pounding sound system.

We will only be able to serve approximately 40 people, first come first serve. There will be plates for vegans and vegetarians alike. Please come early and hang out. About 99% of the food we serve is freegan, which means it is excess, ripe, nearly ripe, or slightly damaged food that has been recovered from the waste of grocery stores.

Most importantly Grub is about building a stronger more supportive community. Please go out of your way to talk to strangers and welcome new people.

Get involved with In Our Hearts or just help us cook Sunday!

We need help cooking, and preparing food (culinary skill not necessarily required) for Grub. Volunteers are welcome to bring vegetarian (freegan and vegan is preferred) food and make their own dishes or help out with the preparation in general. Let us know if you want to be part of it, we'll be starting around 3pm. You can reach us by email: inourhearts@gmail.com.

Big Joe can attest that the food is good and the atmosphere lively, and that you really gotta come early if you want to eat as it's a popular event. And yes, along with donated food from the CSA and health food stores, much of it is dumpstered. This may gross some people out. But let me tell you after 20 years of working in restaurants from little cafes to swank expensive joints, it's more risky eating out than gathering organic veggies from the bins behind Whole Foods. Big Joe has cooked me some delicious dumpstered meals, I've sat on the back of his bicycle as he rode from gathering bread made that day from behind a bakery to collecting ripe tomatoes from a grocery store's dumpster. Westerners, particularly Americans, waste far too much food. In New York, if you look in the right place, you need never go hungry. Here's some dumpstering tips from The Interdependence Project:

-For food its best in the Fall and early Spring but can still be done anytime (very cold in the winter, stuff stinks in the summer pretty quick in the heat)

-start by feeling the bags from outside: does it feel like packaging trash (there's so mcuh of it!), loose bad vegetables, or canned goods and misc items?

-try to not tear and instead untie the bags, then mindfully retie when finished

-clean up after yourself

-wear gloves or bring something to wash your hands

-bring bags

-if you go on bicycle, you can get to numerous places

-find bakeries if you live in Brooklyn or anywhere. Often bakeries will throw out their old goods in ONE BAG.

-please don't take city harvest bags, or clear plastic with green lettering, those are for the homeless

-health food stores are great

-go to delis that have packaged day old goods: sushi, sandwiches, wraps

What not to take:

take what you feel comfortable with, but be thoughtful about your health. I don't take anything that is opened. I do take things that are covered in "dumpster juice" but still sealed and can be washed later.
**********************************
In the summer, during bike summer, which I think is June? Free bike "dumpster tours" are offered through the environmental group Time's Up!

Bringing clothes you don't mind getting dirty and a flashlight/headlight are also helpful. And a final word from Freegan.info:

We live in an economic system where sellers only value land and commodities relative to their capacity to generate profit. Consumers are constantly being bombarded with advertising telling them to discard and replace the goods they already have because this increases sales. This practice of affluent societies produces an amount of waste so enormous that many people can be fed and supported simply on its trash. As freegans we forage instead of buying to avoid being wasteful consumers ourselves, to politically challenge the injustice of allowing vital resources to be wasted while multitudes lack basic necessities like food, clothing, and shelter, and to reduce the waste going to landfills and incinerators which are disproportionately situated within poor, non-white neighborhoods, where they cause elevated levels of cancer and asthma.

Perhaps the most notorious freegan strategy is what is commonly called "urban foraging" or "dumpster diving". This technique involves rummaging through the garbage of retailers, residences, offices, and other facilities for useful goods. Despite our society's sterotypes about garbage, the goods recovered by freegans are safe, useable, clean, and in perfect or near-perfect condition, a symptom of a throwaway culture that encourages us to constantly replace our older goods with newer ones, and where retailers plan high-volume product disposal as part of their economic model. Some urban foragers go at it alone, others dive in groups, but we always share the discoveries openly with one another and with anyone along the way who wants them. Groups like Food Not Bombs recover foods that would otherwise go to waste and use them to prepare meals to share in public places with anyone who wishes to partake.

Bed-Stuy Architectural Digest - 5

Some recent favourites...

Kinko For President?

Palin takes running for VP seriously (wink,wink.)
Photograph: J. Scott Applewhite/AP

Well last night's debate sure was a snoozer. Except for Palin's winking and "doggone its." For a more entertaining presidential candidate, try Kinko the Clown. He has some novel ideas for running this country, surely he can't do any worse than the current clown. Here's part of his platform:

On The Middle East: Pull Out! It was not nice for us to stick it in like we did, and now the least we can do is pull out.

On Space Exploration: Exploration is great, but pick up your damn trash. Leave no traces!

On the Patriot Act: An act of this nature should be no longer than five minutes. Any longer, and the audience gets numb and falls asleep.

On Work: Americans work too much. By working less you can help get rid of homelessness and poverty. If everyone worked less, there would be more work for everyone.

The choice is yours. Obama, McCain or Kinko?

Adventures in Decorating - 2

My mother always told me if I didn't finish everything on my plate, I would never get rich. I didn't, and I haven't. So I guess she was right. This person is alarmingly frugal, why waste those astroturf ends, put them together and you have a beautiful lawn. Who knows, perhaps this person will be the next Donald Trump.

The Right to Bear Arms

It took four years for me to finally get my greencard. So I figured when I applied for citizenship, especially as hordes of other immigrants were doing so hoping they'd get it in time to vote in the upcoming election, that it would take at least that long. Even the government website estimated it would take 10 months at the earliest. I applied in June. I got my letter last week, my citizenship interview is on November 7th. Three days after the election. I cursed myself out several times for not applying sooner, but my homeopath is convinced that it was no accident that it was scheduled for that date. I mean any idiot can figure out which way I'd vote.

Let's see, I'm for gay marriage, pro-choice, carry a reusable nylon bag instead of taking plastic, prefer biking over cars, don't have a t.v., renounced my Catholicism, am anti guns. I go to a freaking homeopath, for fuck's sake. Please excuse my language, this upcoming election has gotten me all excited. But then again, Sarah Palin does have those awfully nice eyeglasses. I like designer eyewear. Yes. Palin all the way. And the old guy too even if he doesn't have any style. He did pick Palin and her Kawasaki eyeglasses after all, he must have some taste. So tomorrow's debate, will Palin dig a deeper hole for herself? And the more important question, what will she wear? Enquiring minds want to know.

A friend of ours overheard two young women on the L train discussing the upcoming election:

"Do I have to vote?" asked one.
"No I don't think so," answered the other.
"I mean they won't make me or anything, will they?"

Do you have to vote? NO. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. Especially not you. Please, please, please don't vote. If all the idiots would just stay home, we can just elect Obama and this nightmare we've been living through for the past 8 years will be over. Not that Obama is the Great Black Hope or anything. I mean he's a Democrat, which essentially means he's the lesser evil. I hope he'll do great things, but in the end he's still a politician.

So because I am doing my citizenship test after October 1, 2008 (today) and before October 1, 2009, I get to choose whether I take the old (classic) citizenship test or the newly redesigned test. From the USCIS WEBSITE:

Redesigned (New) Naturalization Test

In the interest of creating a more standardized, fair, and meaningful naturalization process, U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) recently completed a multi-year redesign of the naturalization test. The revised test, with an emphasis on the fundamental concepts of American democracy and the rights and responsibilities of citizenship, will help encourage citizenship applicants to learn and identify with the basic values we all share as Americans.

Just what does that mean exactly? Please tell me what these "basic values" are, that ALL AMERICANS share? Are there really values that each and every American share that are so different from what we foreigners/possible terrorists might value? And will this citizenship test really teach me that? Also, if the old guy and the broad get in, will they ask me about her eyeglasses? Will they give me a gun and send me off to Iraq? Or do I just quietly pack our bags, gather my family by the hand, and hop on the first plane to Canada?

*Although, quite seriously, I think it's important not to simply focus on Palin's apparent ineptitude, I think that's one of the mistakes we made in the last 2 elections. Dismissing George W. as a fool, only gave him more power.